Halloween: The Origins of Creepy Meg

YO. Let's talk about Halloween. 

It's a magical time of candy and costumes and trickery and candy and Harry Potter and candy. Marathons of scary movies and pumpkin-flavored anything are some of the fabulous perks of this hallowed holiday, but the Big Kahuna for me is that you get to scare the bejesus out of your friends and family for a whole month and blame it on Full Moons, Satan, and the souls of the dead. Fun, right?!?

Sorry Dad, the Devil told me to hide under your bed and pinch your ankles as you're getting ready for work.... 
Whats that? No Dad, Satan doesn't care that I'm 24 years old.....Evil is Evil.  

Between hiding under beds and chasing people around in the dark making my first-class Gollum impression, I would say Halloween is a close runner up for my favorite holiday. With a Blog title such as "Taco Therapy" I don't think I would have to explain to anyone what my favorite holiday is, but for those of you who aren't quick on the uptake I'll settle this once and for all. 

It's Groundhog Day.

I sometimes find myself feeling nostalgic around this time of year and I think of my childhood: haunted houses, hayrides, watching "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown," and trick or treating with my friends. But then I remember things like bobbing for apples and how disgusting of a concept that is and am brought back to reality. I'll stick to my grown up activities like drinking seasonal beer and carving pumpkins (with REAL KNIVES and not that plastic crap).

For all the joy that Halloween brings, it also means stressing over what costume you're going to wear as you're bar hopping or attending a house party. Lucky for you I am a Creative Counselor and have developed this quick and easy survey to determine the appropriate costume to fit your needs.

Take the Meg-o-Matic Halloween Costume Quiz NOW!

 

The possibilities are endless. If you aren't happy with your results, send me a comment and I'll think of something personally for you.  

I would, however, like to note that I am truly appalled at the types of innocent costumes that have been transformed into what is basically female bedroom lingerie. We're talking about taking Disney and Sesame Street characters and turning them into pornographic material.

NOW SETTLE DOWN BOYS. I can tolerate the classic "sexy nurse" and "sexy police officer" costumes. Those have been around forever and aren't going anywhere. But I literally just Googled "Sexy Carrot Costume" and now I understand why terrorists hate us. We as a nation have failed when you can search the words sexy, toilet, and costume and come up with an image of a half naked girl scantily wrapped in Charmin Ultra. Ladies, the boys will love it but you know who doesn't love it? JESUS. 
And your poor mother who is weeping as she scrolls down Facebook wondering where she went wrong and if this all could have been avoided if she would have just let you dress up as Joseph Stalin that one year in 4th grade and eat the sticky candy when you had your braces on. Get your damn clothes on!!!

For the record, I think we all know that this is the type of sexy carrot costume YOURS TRULY would don at a Halloween party. 

Hey honey, ORANGE you glad I look sexy tonight? 

Once I got to the "Sexy Honey Badger" costume I officially gave up on America. Like, come on guys....what in the actual hell. Does anyone KNOW what a honey badger looks like?? It's scary!! There's nothing sexy about a honey badger. It looks like an evil skunk. I'm at a point in my life where if I'm going to look like a rodent, I'm going to look like a rodent, so that costume clearly isn't up my alley. 

Real-life Honey Badger.  Not so sexy now, IS IT GIRLS?!

Whatever your plans may be this Halloween, let's all commit to celebrating responsibly. And by that I mean eating your weight in Butterfingers and Milk Duds. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  

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The 15 Dos and Donts of Going on a First Date

Having had my fair share of first dates, I thought it would be helpful to share some of my insights and very own dos/donts of dating. Ladies, if you have ANY hope of achieving a second date, pay close attention as I'm sure my personal failures could lead to your personal success.

1. Do brush your teeth and make sure that toothpaste residue has been completely removed from your face. 
2. Do not wear a shirt that says 'Senors Rule' and has a Mexican mariachi band playing on it.
3. Do remember to shave your legs so as not to be mistaken for a cat roaming under the table. 
4. Do ask your date questions about themselves. If you're lucky, this will hopefully avoid any and all questions about yourself which could potentially make your date run for the door. 
5. If you have to share information about yourself or your interests, do be honest with your date. For instance, do not tell your date that you love running if you can barely make it to the mailbox without feeling faint. Being invited to run with him will be embarrassing. Very, very embarrassing. 
6. Do look in the mirror before you leave the house. For godsake people, please. If you walk away from this with anything please remember this. You could have pizza stains on your shirt. Or a price-tag. Or both. 
7. Do not decline mozzarella sticks as an appetizer and bring up the story about how in the 7th grade you were choking on an extra-stringy grilled cheese and your mom had to pull the cheese out of your throat with her bare hands. 
8. Do not order BBQ ribs, even if they look and smell delicious. I promise you that you will look like a savage.
9. Do not get defensive and cause a scene over which Star Wars movie is best. Save this for the 3rd or 4th date. Or never. Never would be best. 
10. Do make sure there is actually a straw in your drink before you play mouth games with the air.
11. Do not desperately cry out 'MAN OVERBOARD' if your tater tot falls off your plate and onto the floor. 
12. If he/she asks you what you like to do for fun, do not drop your utensils and make fart noises with your hands. 
13. Do offer to pay even if you know your date is going to pick up the tab. It's a nice gesture and also let's your date know you got monaaaaaayyyyy.

14. If you're unsure about the Goodbye, don't get nervous and high five your date.  

15. And finally do NOT under any circumstances make gun holster gestures with your hands and 'shoot' your date as they are dropping you off....

Ladies, good luck and god speed. 

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