The 15 Dos and Donts of Going on a First Date

Having had my fair share of first dates, I thought it would be helpful to share some of my insights and very own dos/donts of dating. Ladies, if you have ANY hope of achieving a second date, pay close attention as I'm sure my personal failures could lead to your personal success.

1. Do brush your teeth and make sure that toothpaste residue has been completely removed from your face. 
2. Do not wear a shirt that says 'Senors Rule' and has a Mexican mariachi band playing on it.
3. Do remember to shave your legs so as not to be mistaken for a cat roaming under the table. 
4. Do ask your date questions about themselves. If you're lucky, this will hopefully avoid any and all questions about yourself which could potentially make your date run for the door. 
5. If you have to share information about yourself or your interests, do be honest with your date. For instance, do not tell your date that you love running if you can barely make it to the mailbox without feeling faint. Being invited to run with him will be embarrassing. Very, very embarrassing. 
6. Do look in the mirror before you leave the house. For godsake people, please. If you walk away from this with anything please remember this. You could have pizza stains on your shirt. Or a price-tag. Or both. 
7. Do not decline mozzarella sticks as an appetizer and bring up the story about how in the 7th grade you were choking on an extra-stringy grilled cheese and your mom had to pull the cheese out of your throat with her bare hands. 
8. Do not order BBQ ribs, even if they look and smell delicious. I promise you that you will look like a savage.
9. Do not get defensive and cause a scene over which Star Wars movie is best. Save this for the 3rd or 4th date. Or never. Never would be best. 
10. Do make sure there is actually a straw in your drink before you play mouth games with the air.
11. Do not desperately cry out 'MAN OVERBOARD' if your tater tot falls off your plate and onto the floor. 
12. If he/she asks you what you like to do for fun, do not drop your utensils and make fart noises with your hands. 
13. Do offer to pay even if you know your date is going to pick up the tab. It's a nice gesture and also let's your date know you got monaaaaaayyyyy.

14. If you're unsure about the Goodbye, don't get nervous and high five your date.  

15. And finally do NOT under any circumstances make gun holster gestures with your hands and 'shoot' your date as they are dropping you off....

Ladies, good luck and god speed.