I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Cheetos.

I always knew I had a sensitive side, so I figured I would share one of my many creative talents with you. As you all know, I am dangerously good at eating. I am also good at making things rhyme, so below please enjoy my Ode to Cheetos.

An Ode to Cheetos

by Meghan Earnest

 I am hangry and borderline violent as I power walk to the vending machine

No time to mess around - I know which buttons to hit

"A3" is forever tattooed into my memory

A forbidden love that I just can't quit. 

You fall to your death but my heart skips a beat

It's been too long (24 hours) since I've had you last

I rip open the bag in sociopath-like desperation

I can no longer hold back the tears that have amassed. 

My face lights up at the sight of your orangey-glow

I nearly black out after shoving a handful in my face

"Cheese Flavored Snacks" is my mantra for life 

An uncontrollable obsession that I will never replace 

Only 21 grams of fat - Holy S. What the hell?!?

I should actually probably watch how often I eat these

Who am I kidding, nothing can stop me

Chester the Cheetah, GIVE ME MORE PREASE.  

Boys find this attractive. I beat them off with a stick. 

They swoon over my orange fingers. 

 Is that perfume you're wearing? HA. You could say that.

It's the scent of processed cheese that lingers.  

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. 

Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a year. 

Give Meghan a bag of Cheetos. 

And she'll destroy it in less than 20 seconds.

For your viewing pleasure, below is a video taken a few weeks ago of Emily eating MY family sized bag of Cheetos. She's lucky there weren't more severe consequences...

For reference, we had been looking at a picture of Joe Miller when he used to be chubby which is why we are laughing (I had also lost my voice which is 20% of the reason why I sound like a man).

Please take a moment to appreciate the animalistic growl I make when she won't share with me.

Cheeto Craziness (For those who cant open on their phones I went the extra mile). 

"You know better than to hide Cheetos from me." 

Spoken like a true freak.

Also indicative that I had tried to teach her this lesson before ...

 I was going to make a joke about her being a gremlin but forgot what was bad about them. I just Google searched "What happens if you feed gremlins after midnight." The answer I got from "StraightDope.com" is that they will cocoon and change into evil gremlins. So what we've learned is: 

1) I should clear my browsing history before our IT guy finds out what I google search at work. 

2) Emily should not ever be fed after midnight.

3) I am committed to Cheetos for life (I should BE committed for life...)

4) I have an unhealthy obsession with food. I need help. Call 911.