Halloween: The Origins of Creepy Meg

YO. Let's talk about Halloween. 

It's a magical time of candy and costumes and trickery and candy and Harry Potter and candy. Marathons of scary movies and pumpkin-flavored anything are some of the fabulous perks of this hallowed holiday, but the Big Kahuna for me is that you get to scare the bejesus out of your friends and family for a whole month and blame it on Full Moons, Satan, and the souls of the dead. Fun, right?!?

Sorry Dad, the Devil told me to hide under your bed and pinch your ankles as you're getting ready for work.... 
Whats that? No Dad, Satan doesn't care that I'm 24 years old.....Evil is Evil.  

Between hiding under beds and chasing people around in the dark making my first-class Gollum impression, I would say Halloween is a close runner up for my favorite holiday. With a Blog title such as "Taco Therapy" I don't think I would have to explain to anyone what my favorite holiday is, but for those of you who aren't quick on the uptake I'll settle this once and for all. 

It's Groundhog Day.

I sometimes find myself feeling nostalgic around this time of year and I think of my childhood: haunted houses, hayrides, watching "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown," and trick or treating with my friends. But then I remember things like bobbing for apples and how disgusting of a concept that is and am brought back to reality. I'll stick to my grown up activities like drinking seasonal beer and carving pumpkins (with REAL KNIVES and not that plastic crap).

For all the joy that Halloween brings, it also means stressing over what costume you're going to wear as you're bar hopping or attending a house party. Lucky for you I am a Creative Counselor and have developed this quick and easy survey to determine the appropriate costume to fit your needs.

Take the Meg-o-Matic Halloween Costume Quiz NOW!

 

The possibilities are endless. If you aren't happy with your results, send me a comment and I'll think of something personally for you.  

I would, however, like to note that I am truly appalled at the types of innocent costumes that have been transformed into what is basically female bedroom lingerie. We're talking about taking Disney and Sesame Street characters and turning them into pornographic material.

NOW SETTLE DOWN BOYS. I can tolerate the classic "sexy nurse" and "sexy police officer" costumes. Those have been around forever and aren't going anywhere. But I literally just Googled "Sexy Carrot Costume" and now I understand why terrorists hate us. We as a nation have failed when you can search the words sexy, toilet, and costume and come up with an image of a half naked girl scantily wrapped in Charmin Ultra. Ladies, the boys will love it but you know who doesn't love it? JESUS. 
And your poor mother who is weeping as she scrolls down Facebook wondering where she went wrong and if this all could have been avoided if she would have just let you dress up as Joseph Stalin that one year in 4th grade and eat the sticky candy when you had your braces on. Get your damn clothes on!!!

For the record, I think we all know that this is the type of sexy carrot costume YOURS TRULY would don at a Halloween party. 

Hey honey, ORANGE you glad I look sexy tonight? 

Once I got to the "Sexy Honey Badger" costume I officially gave up on America. Like, come on guys....what in the actual hell. Does anyone KNOW what a honey badger looks like?? It's scary!! There's nothing sexy about a honey badger. It looks like an evil skunk. I'm at a point in my life where if I'm going to look like a rodent, I'm going to look like a rodent, so that costume clearly isn't up my alley. 

Real-life Honey Badger.  Not so sexy now, IS IT GIRLS?!

Whatever your plans may be this Halloween, let's all commit to celebrating responsibly. And by that I mean eating your weight in Butterfingers and Milk Duds. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!