2015: NEW YEAR, SAME YOU

Another year has come and gone. We've laughed, we've cried, we've been kicked out of McDonalds. The hope of new beginnings and new opportunities still shows on our pale, hungover faces.

Everywhere we look we are bombarded with words like goals, motivation, clean slate, and success. I'm a bigger fan of the articles that use words like "realistic" because they are at least acknowledging that you're 50% committed to your resolution and 50% a piece of crap.

Gym memberships skyrocket -- we trample our own family, friends, and neighbors that have watched us grow up as we fight our way to the only available treadmill.

"Sorry Mrs. Johnson, BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR!" you squeal in delight as you recognize you can now check "be funnier" off your bucket list. 

Girls all over the U.S. are sitting red-eyed in their beds, their faces lit by the dim glow of their Macbooks as they pin healthy meal plans, bikini body aspirations, and Brazilian booty workouts on their "New Year New You" Pinterest boards. 

"If I don't get a Kim Kardashian body this year I'll die. I'll just die." 

#GetFit #OwnIt #MyYear #LiveLaughLove

Your Facebook newsfeed is covered with inspirational quotes:

"You know all those things you've always wanted to do? You should do them." 

Thanks to the genius who came up with that one.

We chant "NO MORE FAST FOOD" until we suddenly find ourselves sitting in the Taco Bell parking lot at 1am eating a Cheesy Gordita Crunch like it's nobody's business.

We promise ourselves that we're going to be more fiscally responsible. 

"This is the year. This is the year that I don't spend $472 on sweaters for my cat."

But you and I both know that come mid-February, we're all going to abandon our resolutions. We'll be sitting on our couches watching Game of Thrones with a family-sized bag of cheese puffs. Our gym trainers will be looking at their watches wondering if they got the appointment details wrong. But you know the truth. There will be no more workout sessions with "Rod the Bod." As a matter of fact, let's just go ahead and cancel that gym membership all together. You're going to need that extra $30/month going towards your cat's sweater collection. 

Happy New Year from one resolution-breaker to another. 

M