For the past 24 years I have had the luxury of always having a laundry machine on site where I lived. This year as I moved into my new apartment, I had to sacrifice on site laundry for open windows, lots of kitchen space, a great location, and the assurance of a rodent/termite free apartment (Here's lookin' at you 2333 Larkins....)
As I know nothing about laundromats, I thought a good start would be going to one that was close by and had received good reviews for cleanliness, number of washers/dryers, etc. I'll start off this horror story by saying that the laundromat's location was something you would see in the opening of a CSI episode. I made the mistake of going after work so it was getting dark. Naturally this was the perfect time for all of the sketchy clientele to come out and wash their, what I can only assume were, blood stained garments. Some people were sleeping, some had beady eyes that watched you the moment you walked in, and others were trying to dig quarters out of the gumball machine.
I will be the first to admit that when I walked in I looked like a spoiled punk who had never gone to a laundromat before. I COULD have fit in given that I looked completely disheveled but the junkie using his own saliva for soap took the cake.
Again, because I know nothing about laundromats, I did not know what the cost of washing and drying a load of laundry was. I took $5 thinking this was enough. Unfortunately $5 barely got me a wash for one load and I had two. The only other money I had was a $20 bill that I would have to take to the change machine. This was a huge mistake. Apparently the maximum quarter capacity in the change holder cup is $10, so you can only imagine that after I entered the $20 bill quarters came flinging out and spilling all over the floor as if I had just hit the jackpot.
The kids in the joint thought this was great as they quickly scrambled to pick them all up ("FREE MONEY" they thought until I had to ask for it back. I got blank stares back as if they were saying "FINDERS KEEPERS" and then I gave a glare back as if to say "IN YOUR DREAMS" and then they forked over the quarters and I really did ruin their gumball dreams forever).
Not surprisingly I had an empty sandwich bag in my purse which I used to hold all of the coins. I squinted and mumbled as I tried to read the directions on how to do laundry. This really made me look ridiculous because come on, I KNOW HOW TO READ. Somehow I managed to look poor and illiterate while simultaneously looking like a spoiled white girl who was the Grinch Who Stole Children's Gumball Money.
Things really started to liven up when the boys doing laundry next to me started talking about how they wanted to die and, no matter how they went, they wanted their bodies to become fertilizer so that in their next life they could come back as a marijuana plant....
Luckily I was able to finish and fold my laundry without getting shot, stabbed, licked, spit on, etc. so overall I think my first laundromat experience was a win-win. After I confirmed that I was alive to the outside world, I received three emails from my dad with links to purchase portable clothes washing machines, because who wouldn't want to explain THIS to guests who come over to the house.
"Whatcha doin there, Meghan??"
"Oh just churning my laundry. Go on and play Scrabble without me, I've got to empty my EZYWASH."
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